Onward, no end in sight
April 16th.
Three more weeks of lockdown confirmed.My heart sinks. I am ashamed to admit how much I have struggled this week. Hard though it is to write this in the face of so much bravery on every front; key workers literally dicing with death, essential workers struggling to keep this country going, volunteers flooding to assist everywhere in every possible way... I am simply, selfishly, pathetically, sad.
I watch the latest press conference from a Government facing increasing scrutiny about a lack of any forward policy and under fire for failures to provide promised resources in an angry and despondent mood.
Acute shortages of PPE are headline news, in contrast to the fulsome assurances only a few short weeks ago by Health Minister Matt Hancock that the UK had ordered enough for everyone who needed it. This plus criticism of inadequate and unreliable testing dominate rising concern that our NHS and the overlooked and overloaded care home sector are wildly, desperately, under resourced.
Today one NHS boss contacted the BBC to ask for urgent help from fashion brands such as Burberry and Barbour who have offered to run up hospital gowns, branding Matt Hancock's denial of shortages as a 'fantasy' and saying his staff were about to run out of essential PPE within days.
With Boris Johnson still absent convalescing there is mounting criticism of lack of leadership not least from the newly elected Labour leader Sir Keir Starmer. In demanding proposals towards a possible exit strategy/strategies, he echoes the views of many of us who, whilst absolutely appreciating why lockdown Britain is necessary, find it is increasingly hard to see no light at the end of a long dark tunnel.
There are those who have magically lit our way ahead this week. One 99 year old WW2 veteran stumbled into hearts and wallets across the land when he set out to walk 100 laps of his back yard to raise £1000 for the NHS. His daily faltering determined steps captured our imagination, uniting this diverse, disjointed society into coming together for a greater good. Donations currently stand at 18 million pounds.
The money is vital, the stark fact is that our death toll is rising, hundreds and hundreds each day. There is as yet no viable solution to resolving this crisis any time soon.
Officially the Government has come up with 5 criteria which must be met before an end date can be considered:
April 16th.
Three more weeks of lockdown confirmed.My heart sinks. I am ashamed to admit how much I have struggled this week. Hard though it is to write this in the face of so much bravery on every front; key workers literally dicing with death, essential workers struggling to keep this country going, volunteers flooding to assist everywhere in every possible way... I am simply, selfishly, pathetically, sad.
I watch the latest press conference from a Government facing increasing scrutiny about a lack of any forward policy and under fire for failures to provide promised resources in an angry and despondent mood.
Acute shortages of PPE are headline news, in contrast to the fulsome assurances only a few short weeks ago by Health Minister Matt Hancock that the UK had ordered enough for everyone who needed it. This plus criticism of inadequate and unreliable testing dominate rising concern that our NHS and the overlooked and overloaded care home sector are wildly, desperately, under resourced.
Today one NHS boss contacted the BBC to ask for urgent help from fashion brands such as Burberry and Barbour who have offered to run up hospital gowns, branding Matt Hancock's denial of shortages as a 'fantasy' and saying his staff were about to run out of essential PPE within days.
With Boris Johnson still absent convalescing there is mounting criticism of lack of leadership not least from the newly elected Labour leader Sir Keir Starmer. In demanding proposals towards a possible exit strategy/strategies, he echoes the views of many of us who, whilst absolutely appreciating why lockdown Britain is necessary, find it is increasingly hard to see no light at the end of a long dark tunnel.
There are those who have magically lit our way ahead this week. One 99 year old WW2 veteran stumbled into hearts and wallets across the land when he set out to walk 100 laps of his back yard to raise £1000 for the NHS. His daily faltering determined steps captured our imagination, uniting this diverse, disjointed society into coming together for a greater good. Donations currently stand at 18 million pounds.
The money is vital, the stark fact is that our death toll is rising, hundreds and hundreds each day. There is as yet no viable solution to resolving this crisis any time soon.
Officially the Government has come up with 5 criteria which must be met before an end date can be considered:
- To make sure the NHS can cope by providing sufficient critical care across the UK
- To see a sustained and consistent fall in daily death rates with confidence the UK is beyond the peak
- Reliable data to show the infection rate is falling to manageable levels
- There is enough testing and personal protective equipment (PPE) to meet future demand
- Any changes in restrictions would not lead to a second peak
Um, how?
The acknowledged unpredictability of present data belies confidence in the truth of any figures, given we all know data comes from a myraid of sources. Daily death rates including including deaths at home rather than in hospital, or not? Taking into account many older people die in care homes and are certified without COVID 19 on their death certificate, or not?
The questions are endless, as are any possible answers.
Without a crystal ball how will know if there is to be a second peak? Are we watching those countries ahead of us in this global pandemic to learn from their successes and failures. This seems a risky tactic given the unique nature of national cultures and the inescapable fact that the UK has continually mapped a different route through the current crisis.
With no end in sight this week hope took a nose dive and sadness took its place. Sad. Such a small, simple word for such a colossal tidal wave of emotion. At times I have been submerged by its weight, overcome with tears. It has wound itself heavily around me. I have sat helpless under a dark cloak of misery, feeling myself fading into a silent shadow, vanishing down a still, silent black hole where time itself has no dimension.
My heart feels broken with the longing to hug my granddaughters, to embrace my family. I crave the world outside my home, the simple pleasures of a savouring a barista coffee , chatting with friends, browsing the shops for a special treat.
I miss the sea, oh how I miss the sea. It is so near and yet so far, I can see it tantalisingly from the hilltops. I want to sit on the stones and gaze at the infinite, eternal rhythm of the waves, drinking in the sounds, the salty tang, the light glinting on the water.
I have not seen my family, I have not driven my car, I have not been to a shop, I have not ventured across the tiny 5 mile gap between here and the coast, for a month now. I abide by our Coronavirus awareness motto, "stay home, stay safe, save lives" for myself and for everyone. Millions of us are in the same position. My sadness is accompanied by a painful guilt at my selfish misery.
I am angry at myself for being pathetic. I have no right to indulge my dark mood. I am more fortunate than most. I have company in my self isolation. I have a large house and garden, I have gorgeous countryside to exercise in quite literally outside my gate. I have no financial worries. I am proud of every single one of my family as they have adapted and coped incredibly well with these unprecedented stresses of working from home/ child caring at home. I am not proud of myself.
So, if 99 year old Captain Tom can keep on walking, so can I. I have shaken off this heavy burden of darkness. It will still lurk hidden in the shadows, stalk me stealthily, trip me up, try to catch me unawares , but I will do my best to outrun it. I shall put one foot in front of the other with everyone else, watching for light at the end of the tunnel.
Inspirational words from Captain Tom, who celebrates his 100th birthday on April 30th:
“Tomorrow you will maybe find everything will be much better than today, even if today was alright. That’s the way I think I’ve always looked at it. Tomorrow will be a good day.”
Sounds good to me. Here's to a good day tomorrow everyone.
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