The good, the bad and the ugly.
I feel as if I am floating, motionless on deep dark water. Suspended in space between earth and sky. Cast adrift into open seas. The furious maelstrom of emotions from last week has ebbed away into stillness. I gaze into nothingness. There is nothing tangible within sight. So I close my eyes and think about the good, the bad and the ugly of the journey so far flit across my mind.
The good
1. My wonderful family. Never have the words 'you never walk alone' meant so much. 💓
2. Nature has been a revelation and at times my salvation. I have never before truly appreciated my beautiful surroundings nor been so grateful to live in this gorgeous countryside.
3. Friendships far and wide kept alive by virtual reality, coffee mornings via ZOOM, lovely neighbours, many, many stories of individual and collective positivity and joyous magical moments to cherish and remember for ever.
My lovely friend Karen from Brighton recently wrote moving of a happy birthday despite everything:
"I have just had a Birthday and my family and friends made it extra special because of lock down. Here is how it went:
Afternoon Tea arrived the day before, in a big pink box left on my doorstep from the White Van Man! A present from my grown up children. What a wonderful idea. It was utterly delicious.
My husband had contacted my Mothers care home the day before and asked if they could take a picture of her to send through on his phone. They did a lovely placard with a Happy Birthday on it with her holding it up.My husband then framed it for me. Flowers and card also "from her"
Friends rang early morning to wish me a Happy Birthday.
Daughters and grandchildren arrived on our drive during the morning singing Happy Birthday from their cars!
Daughter made a chocolate Birthday cake and with BIG social distancing with had tea and cake on the drive. Husband and me on doorstep!
Balloons, flowers, homemade cards and lovely handmade bead necklaces from the little ones. It was so lovely to see them. I miss being with them so much. Talked to son, with his girlfriend and my sister on Face time in the afternoon. Husband cooked delicious 3 course meal in the evening.
My lounge looks like a florist. As the post is all over the place at present, cards have been arriving daily, so birthday is still on going!
Husband's present still hasn't arrived through Amazon and it's now 13 days from dispatch. A Birthday I will remember for a long time to come, for all the right reasons"
I hope the government will soon give us more clarity on how we will emerge slowly from this lock down. Personally I don't think any government whichever political party is in power, would know how to go about this in a way that suits everyone. The world will emerge from this so different from the one we knew. I hope it will be a kinder world for every living thing. A more simple life. I can't worry about things beyond my control. I have always said 'things happen for a reason'. Our paths are set before us and it's our choice as to which one we choose to follow. I always try to see the positive even in the negative"
...................
I imagine Karen's lounge ablaze with flowers as I think about more accounts of goodwill and good deeds from those with kind hearts:
From my amazing friend in Kent:
"Today I cooked 100 shortbread biscuits for the over 70s WI ladies. I am secretary of the local WI and as we cannot meet and many of our members are self-isolating we decided on our last Zoom committee meeting that the committee members should bake food parcels for the 22 that are over 70 . So we had a mix of cakes, scones, cookies, sausage rolls and shortbread to share.
We met at a car park and made up the packs while keeping our distance as much as possible then we went to the homes we had been allocated to deliver to. It was a fun thing to do and the ladies were very appreciative, we have some real characters and they have all lived through so much that they are a great source of local info and stories.
Several weeks ago a fabulous community support group for covid was launched and I signed up as a volunteer. So far I think we are around 130 volunteers and 140 clients who are isolating and need shopping, prescriptions, dogs walked or just have a chat etc. Its very well run and we have a rota for taking phone calls which I do twice a week"
This lovely lady also works three days a week in a care home in Kent. I am full of admiration for her and others like her, like my neighbour who sews hearts for the ITU at Royal Sussex County and also, after speaking directly to the nurse involved , makes scrub bags and masks.
The bad
35 000 plus deaths so far in the UK.
Millions globally
No vaccine
No cure
Loss
Grief
Inequality
Poverty
Loneliness
Anxiety
Heartbreak
Despair
Lack of trust
Broken promises over testing, not yet resolved.
No contact tracing app as yet workable.
No clear direction, the way ahead is shrouded in mist.
As I feel myself floating vaguely in a sea of inertia ugly sounds and images crowd in.
The ugly.
Division and increasingly bitter conflict.
Between people, politicians, high and low, rich and poor.
Between the four countries of the United Kingdom.
Between scientists.
Between politicians.
Increasing criticism of Boris Johnson's road map for the future.
As one of those featured on that perennial TV favourite Gogglebox said on viewing 'that' speech:
'Its not often a Government announcement needs a disclaimer-no rationality or scientific advice was used in this announcement'
Satire has become angrier, burning with furious rage.
*Steve Bell in The Guardian
An edict to use 'common sense' has led to an
'each to his own' situation.
No one wins.
No one
Ugly scenes as crowds flood to beaches and beauty spots in the glorious sunshine
With car parks and toilets still closed keeping order became impossible. One seaside holiday park in Norfolk went public with a rant at "conceited and selfish day trippers" . claiming 'it was like an invasion' . (Waxham Sands, courtesy of Eastern Daily Press)
............
Another sunny weekend is forecast. Another bank holiday ahead.
Oh the irony that this year of all years the UK has been blessed with day after day of glorious sunshine. The gradual easing of lockdown has brought chaos, uncertainty and fear but...maybe also hope? If there is no second spike? If we can slowly edge our way back into some kind of normal life? If I can see my beloved family once again.
This week my senses are numb, and I have embraced the emptiness. A thick blanket has enveloped my soul, dulling the pain in my heart. With every passing week pieces have broken away like petals falling from a flower, I miss my family so much every sinew in my body hurts with the effort to hold my heart together.
My Mothers Day cards still have pride of place in my lounge.
After the raging waters of last week I have let myself drift, letting images wash over me, immersed in silence and distanced from the cacophony of reality. Enough. It is time to swim, to find a shore, to aim for a horizon. However far, however long, it is out there somewhere.
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