An end is within my sight. On good days I can see it clearly. It shimmers like a fairy castle, my utopia of future hopes and dreams. It sits gloriously on the horizon almost within my reach.
On bad days the end of this journey is hazy, a translucent bubble blown hither and thither, without substance and impossible to reach.
Since I last wrote this blog the UK's easing of lockdown has continued apace. The infection rate has continued to fall despite my original high anxiety. So far, despite mass protests for the 'black lives matter' movement and much greater social interaction, public and private, collectively we remain at low risk. Statistically. Relatively.
There is no vaccine. The UK test and trace app is a failure, with another version now a work in progress due finally in Sept. The manual contact tracing scheme has been an acknowledged disaster. So as a country we are vulnerable to a second wave at any time, anywhere.
But. In the last few weeks I have enjoyed blissful family reunions with all my children and grandchildren. Social distancing has been surprisingly easy, children being extremely adaptable to play minus touch, to signs for love and hugs rather than a warm sticky embrace from grandma.
I have emerged from dense woodland into sunlight. Days by the sea, days cycling along country lanes, days walking alongside friends and best of all the sheer happiness of being with my wonderful family once more. Even if we lose all these new freedoms tomorrow I am revived, in mind, body and spirit.
In the last few weeks my household too has changed. My daughter has returned to her own home and returned to working in an office environment. There is a mountain of work which cannot be done remotely. Her office is as COVID secure as possible, rigid social distancing and hygiene is well practised. She is the first of the family to physically return to work, which feels like a seismic change.
Today Boris Johnson has announced a whole new raft of measures to kick start the economy, starting with reducing social distancing to 1 metre rather than 2 metres so as to open pubs, restaurants, cinemas, hospitality. Households can meet inside, albeit only (officially) two at a time. A bubble counts as one household so this is a tad illogical. As are, to be honest, most of the new 'rules' so I sense a continuation of relying on common sense rather than instruction.
Personally I have no intention of visiting a pub, a restuarant or a cinema, although I am keen on a COVID secure haircut from July 4th, whenever I can get an appointment. I suspect it may be Xmas as the entire nation is sporting crazy lockdown hair.
In this pic taken on seeing the sea for the first time recently my hair is waving in the wind as much as the waves in the water. Not good.
Lest we forget
In the rush to return to normal it is easy to forget how ghastly this illness is, as was so eloquently described by a friend in April.
"Today was hard.
After removing my ppe after wearing for just 3-4 hours:
My nose is sore.
My eyes are bloodshot.
My mouth is dry.
My throat hurts from talking so loud to be heard with the mask on.
Im exhausted.
I came home and cried, cried at the reality of all of this. It so very sad. Life is tough right now, we are both working almost full time and juggling childcare between us with no help. I cried because I have to go from working a day like today and then be "Mummy" again tomorrow.
So many are struggling like us, so many are still dying, suffering and working so flipping hard. Everyone is incredible.
Sorry for the honest post but sometimes you have to be. This is our 'lockdown' reality right now, no lovely 'fun', activity photos from me today I'm afraid 😂"
..............
Nor is life anything like normal yet. Many children have not yet returned to school, most year groups will not go back now until the autumn. Those due to sit exams have been given predicted grades. Cue despair, cries of unfairness and requests for re-marks. The education system is in crisis and who knows how long it will take to restore universal learning benchmarks let alone even open the schools fully as there are doubts this will be achievable even by Sept. University applications have plummeted due to proposals for online teaching only in 2020.
The health care system, much of which was shut down during lockdown, is also in crisis, catching up with major procedures eg cancer treatments and 'minor' ones such as physio appts. It is impossible to calculate the true cost of this mass closure to the nations health.
The elderly and vulnerable are still elderly and vulnerable.
I recently had this moving article from a dear friend describing her own work in a care home. She articulately revealed the complexity and sheer hard graft asked of those who care for people who cannot care for themselves. This fluent before and after account demonstrates how extreme the COVID situation is on everyone involved.
"After a 30 year career in the City working with the elderly could not have been further from my mind! The trigger came when I watched a Christmas TV advert by Age UK highlighting the loneliness of the elderly alone at home, I couldn’t stop crying so I applied to be a befriender there and then. As with many charities who are short staffed and rely on volunteers the process was painfully slowly but finally I had my interview, DBS check and was approved.
After a while there was no one locally who needed a befriender so I volunteered with a weekly Age UK coffee morning at the nearby residential home before taking up a post as a Social Co-ordinator at the new nursing home. Since ‘retiring’ I had set up a ladies networking group, joined the committee of the WI, become a trustee of a local horse rescue charity, joined a gym and running group but I still had time and really wanted to find a part time position that made a difference.
As the care sector is highly regulated there was much new training ahead , especially as this job involves far more than sitting with a resident having a chat over a cup of tea. The main function is to enhance the lives of the residents in the home which can be a challenge with ages ranging from 62 to 102 and varying physical and mental health issues.
We are a team of 4 working part time and the management are very supportive in terms of the budget for activities, such as outside entertainers such as singers, musicians, comedians and even animals, but most of our time is spent one to one with residents.
The arrival of Covid 19 in the UK and lockdown changed everything overnight. As the home cares for the most vulnerable it was only right to close to all visitors but for many residents this was hard to understand, especially those with dementia who could not grasp the situation and would forget from one day to the next.
Some of the residents rarely ever left the home before the outbreak so had little understanding of what was happening in the outside world. When you are elderly and in care the focus of the day is mealtimes and family visits, as visits were stopped we have been filling the gaps by trying to spend more time with each resident.
This is a challenge when you have a lot of residents with different needs but we try to make sure each person has 10 minutes on a one to one basis, especially those that are bed bound due to health issues or anxiety.
Since lockdown we have introduced the residents to FaceTime, Skype and Zoom video calls with their family, this is not always been possible as the partner may not have the technology or the resident may be confused by what’s happening or may have poor hearing which makes it impossible. Some have found the process very upsetting and episodes of aggressive behaviour or emotional shutdown afterwards. Many think they have been abandoned by their family and cannot understand why they do not come to see them anymore.
Of course phone calls are the next best thing and we have been encouraging families to write letters or emails which we can read to the residents and include photos of what they have been up to. Not only are residents worried for their own health but also their friends and families outside who are exposed to the risk of catching the virus.
The regular visits by chiropodists, hairdressers, physio therapists, opticians, audiologists etc are still not permitted. Many are overdue hospital scans, check-ups and treatment which may have a detrimental effect long term. It is frustrating that opticians and audiologists are not able to come as we have several residents feeling even more isolated as they have broken hearing aids and glasses.
All these affect quality of life and by themselves may not be such an issue but added to the isolation and lack of family contact the impact is even greater.
When deaths at care homes finally hit the headlines residents became very concerned that they would be next. On 2nd April the Department of Health & Social Care, Public Health England and Care Quality Commission issued new guidance for the admission and care of residents during Covid.
As part of the national effort they launched the Capacity Tracker to track bed vacancies in care homes across the UK which had to be updated daily so that the NHS could transfer patients to care homes to ensure hospitals had enough beds to treat Covid patients.
Negative tests are not required prior to transfers to care homes as the Government felt that if the guidelines were followed in terms of isolation, social distancing, good hygiene and correct use of PPE would residents and staff would be protected. Sadly as we have read in the press many home have had high numbers of deaths as a result of this decision and no doubt this will be the subject of an investigation in the future. Why would you put covid patients in a home and expose the most vulnerable to such risk?
Within this home each resident has their own suite which includes an ensuite bathroom however a lot of time is spent in the communal lounges and dining room areas. After the April guidance was issued and hospital admissions arrived it was decided that residents should remain in their rooms for their safety.
They did not understand why this was necessary as they were not ill, some of the residents with dementia wander and enter other peoples rooms and it was difficult for staff to monitor this and deal with the aggression. Most found this very stressful, they were already missing family and not being able to socialise with others did result in them feeling very low.
We did not know how long this situation would continue and it was upsetting for us to hear comments such as ‘if I can’t see my family and have to stay in my room life is not worth living’. These people are tough with some having survived wars, financial hardship or trauma during their lives and they were deprived of their liberty for reasons they did not understand. After a week which was the isolation guidance, the restriction was lifted but social distancing continues, with residents often eating in their rooms as space in the communal areas is limited.
While you can argue that the residents are one household so should be able to mingle freely with each other the staff are returning to their homes, shopping for food, travelling on public transport etc so are at risk of bringing in the virus. We did have one admission from hospital who was tested positive for Covid but after 2 days his condition deteriorated and he was transferred back to hospital where sadly he died. The other admissions we have had are now well and out of isolation. Now that the numbers of new cases in the UK are falling and hospitals are coping we hope we don’t have more hospital cases.
The original grand street party with residents and family for VE Day on 8th May had to be cancelled but was replaced with a 'home' party with a lovely singer who specialises in the 40’s entertaining via the patio.
Luckily the weather was warm and sunny. We decorated the home with union jack bunting, red, white and blue balloons and streamers and the tables were arranged into one long row with red, white and blue table cloths and napkins.
It really did look stunning and the activities team dressed in red, white and blue too. The chefs researched what would have been eaten on the day and produced a delicious meal washed down with ginger beer and homemade lemonade. We all enjoyed the songs of the day waving our flags and ending on an emotional rendition of us all singing We’ll Meet Again. * and watching VE celebrations across the UK as we toasted Churchill’s speech with a glass of wine and cake.
The residents and staff are monitored with daily temperature checks, any staff member with a temperature or cough is sent home immediately. At first the thermometer used was the type you put in the ear but some of the dementia patients would not have this done so now the nurses use thermometers which point at the forehead.
On 1st June we received our first Covid testing kits and all residents and staff had swabs taken and all returned negative. I say all residents but it’s a very invasive and uncomfortable test with a swab of the tonsils for 10 seconds which makes you gag and a nasal swab for 10 seconds that makes your eyes water. Not surprisingly several of the dementia patients refused despite every effort to reassure them.
We are still protecting the residents with all staff wearing face masks, however we are struggling with supplies of PPE as all care homes, health workers etc are trying to purchase from the same few suppliers. At the moment the problem is sourcing large and extra large size gloves and an appeal was put on the local social media for supplies.
We continue to follow Government guidelines and are pleased that family can now visit although they cannot enter the home and have to speak through the window or stand by the front door with the resident seating a few metres away. The visitors have to wear face masks and gloves and no physical contact is allowed. We set up a diary system to book in visitors to minimise the possibility of several arriving at the same time.
Some of the resident have enjoyed these visits but others have not coped well and become upset and confused by the meeting. There are several who have still not had a visit from their family as they are either vulnerable and isolating themselves or are concerned that the visit may cause distress"
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I wish her, the staff and all the residents a better time in the weeks ahead, and only wish the public had a greater understanding of this sector.
* Vera Lynn died on June 18th, aged 103. Her death was headline news.
Happy times ahead
I hope against hope that the fairy castle I see ahead is not a mirage. That it is real, grounded, not adrift in a bubble about to pop. That this covid journey is near an ending of sorts. A 'new' normal is fine if it allows me to see my family, my friends, to live a full life once more.
I have entries in my diary now after months of empty time. Social distancing walks with friends, lunch with relatives, family visits. I know it is early days. I worry we will face another lockdown. I worry that these new freedoms will encourage recklessness and expose us all to danger once again. I know I will not reach the true end of this journey soon.
But for now I am striding out confidently towards my castle of hopes and dreams. I am planning hopefully for a holiday in our Norfolk cottage, I picture myself walking the sands, waving to the seals. Most of all I can see my beloved family once more 💓. Today is a good day.
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